Apple?

There is absolutely nothing else to be said about the Pirates of the Caribbean saga. Pirates 3 was great in every way that it should have been great. I really don't care about what made it bad. It's wonderfully simple.

Keith Richards is indisputably the coolest man I can think of; seeing him as a pirate was overwhelmingly cool. I was drowning in cool, choking on the cool filling up my lungs. You must be ready.

While I was in the theater, I got this strange feeling, like a pining to go on a date. A movie date - I wanted to do the whole awkward progression into contact and sheepish smiles and grabbing during scary parts and kissing. It was spontaneous and unwarranted, interrupting my normal craving for a mature relationship.

I wonder if I've been wasting my high-school years. Maybe all this time, I should have been making out with people I hardly knew while zombies sought brains on the silver screen.

I think it's too late now.